AN INTRO TO BANKROLL MANAGEMENT

Class is in session, kiddos – so you had better listen up fast because Prof. Joe’s going to learn you a thing or two about bankroll management, and how a few simple tricks can maximize your money when you hit the slots or your preferred table games.

THE BASICS

Wait, they teach something as useless as advanced calculus in school but nothing about bankroll management? Pshhh! No wonder I didn’t pay attention in class. Education shmeducation…just between us, let me tell you that you can distill everything you ever need to know about life down to one simple lesson: Manage your bloody money effectively! This is the essence of the fine art known as bankroll management, which is all about holding on to your money long enough to score that winning streak when you’re hitting the slots.

Whoever said ‘go big or go home’ deserves a kick in the stones, if you ask me, because sometimes you have to be a little miserly, a little strategic, and a whole lot of patient if you want to make sure your casino pocket change doesn’t run out before you can yell, JACKPOT!

That’s not to say you should bet too small. You don’t want to take the thrill out of gambling after all – diminutive wins don’t really mean much at the end of the day.

THE ESSENTIALS

• Don’t forget that most casinos have a built-in house edge. While initial wins can get your fired up, the house can make you burn out pretty fast and over time, the house will end up on top. Pace yourself, accept the idea of variance (don’t panic – you win some, you lose some) It’s all about balance.
• Establish a decent number of bets in your bankroll and stick to it. The golden ratio is finding the right balance between the right stakes (so you don’t get bored) and a bankroll that’s padded enough to weather choppy waters.
• The tapering-down strategy: Apparently this works with quitting smoking as well (bullshit). The idea here is to reduce your stakes (or stop altogether) once you’ve lost a noticeable amount. This helps you establish limits on yourself so you can up and leave once you’ve spent your designated amount.

TEST YOUR NEWFOUND KNOWLEDGE

At the end of the day, you should always be careful with your cash. Spending money doesn’t mean money you can’t afford.

Now go forth, my child, and roll yourself to riches at my casino. Joe Fortune’s ready to accommodate your bankroll.